Time for me has officially stopped moving. I am so excited about the summer that it is hard for me to go day by day. I truly believe we might be one of the only schools that is not year round still in session in the world!!!! The whole friggin world!
We have one more week with students then a week of professional development and then KHALLAS! We are out!
We are busy moving stuff slowly up to our new apartment in the Penthouse. We could not possibly let a new comer have the highest and of course now, the best apartment. It is has bonus features that we are looking forward too, like built in fans, patio furniture, and light!
So, that will be a nice way to start next year. Inshallah (godwilling) this is used whenever there is doubt about something because hey, in Lebanon you never know what might happen or when a war will start.
It is officially HOT in Beirut. Low 90's but high humidity. You can not walk anywhere without breaking an extreme sweat. My hair will not be down for the next two weeks or it will grow to extremes I can not begin to imagine and not grow long and down but out and big! The schools have limited electricity since Lebanon has limited electricity, so there is a large portion of everyday where the air conditioning can't be on. So, even 4 year olds smell and our sweaty! It's grooosss!!
There are a few mixed emotions circling the end of the year, mostly the I can't wait to be home. We have such amazing plans this summer, I just want to get started.
However, this morning I realized why I am having such a hard time with my job. I know no one really likes to be bored at work, but there is more too it that than. I have narrowed it down to guilt. I think teachers innately feel guilty, its a consistent conversation in your head, of am I a doing enough, did I get everything done, could I have done more to help that student, etc. I have that, did I do enough guilt but I also have the I work the least amount of anyone in my school and yet I am paid double guilt. I feel like I am constantly trying to hide a secret. I don't want anyone to know how little I am working because its embarrassing, since everyone is very well aware of my higher salary and benefits. However, I want to be helpful and when teachers say "oh you don't need to help, you are so busy," and I have to find a way without telling my secret, of oh my god, I am so bored, I would love to help. It's a weird feeling. At least, if we all got equal pay I would feel less bad. It would be more of a hey, we all get paid shitty, so who cares how hard I work..=) I feel like I am superman always trying to be Clark Kent. Wow, that is an exaggerated example of me and my life, but you get the point. Don't let anyone know exactly what you do or don't do. There is also the other side that not only do I get paid more but my life opportunities are triple some of theirs. Of course, lots of the teachers have money, which includes a nanny, a helper, and a driver. But, they still live in Lebanon and I always wonder, why don't they get out but then I hear about the process for getting U.S. or other countries citizenship and even a visa to visit and it all makes sense. So, now I have the added guilt of knowing this is a temporary stop for me, a learning experience and when I am done with it, I am free to go with no strings attached and without extreme measures. The United States will welcome me with open arms and that will be that.
I have decided this is why I am having a hard time embracing my "years-off" in Beirut. I am finding ways to help with the boredom, but will I find ways to cope with the guilt? Will I harden myself enough to just not give a shit? I kind of hope for my own sanity, I can do this just a little.
One way or another next year will be interesting!
We are doing a fun road trip on Saturday and then the beach on Sunday, so we have a great weekend ahead!
Then 2 more weeks! Let's go team America!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is the puzzle I started in Sept/Oct...I have officially given up. There is too much sky left and I can't tell the difference in all the blues! So KHALLAS
This is a video of one of our main street corners if you put in about 5 more cars and 7 more horn honks you get an idea of a typical 10 minute walk on Hamra.
We have one more week with students then a week of professional development and then KHALLAS! We are out!
We are busy moving stuff slowly up to our new apartment in the Penthouse. We could not possibly let a new comer have the highest and of course now, the best apartment. It is has bonus features that we are looking forward too, like built in fans, patio furniture, and light!
So, that will be a nice way to start next year. Inshallah (godwilling) this is used whenever there is doubt about something because hey, in Lebanon you never know what might happen or when a war will start.
It is officially HOT in Beirut. Low 90's but high humidity. You can not walk anywhere without breaking an extreme sweat. My hair will not be down for the next two weeks or it will grow to extremes I can not begin to imagine and not grow long and down but out and big! The schools have limited electricity since Lebanon has limited electricity, so there is a large portion of everyday where the air conditioning can't be on. So, even 4 year olds smell and our sweaty! It's grooosss!!
There are a few mixed emotions circling the end of the year, mostly the I can't wait to be home. We have such amazing plans this summer, I just want to get started.
However, this morning I realized why I am having such a hard time with my job. I know no one really likes to be bored at work, but there is more too it that than. I have narrowed it down to guilt. I think teachers innately feel guilty, its a consistent conversation in your head, of am I a doing enough, did I get everything done, could I have done more to help that student, etc. I have that, did I do enough guilt but I also have the I work the least amount of anyone in my school and yet I am paid double guilt. I feel like I am constantly trying to hide a secret. I don't want anyone to know how little I am working because its embarrassing, since everyone is very well aware of my higher salary and benefits. However, I want to be helpful and when teachers say "oh you don't need to help, you are so busy," and I have to find a way without telling my secret, of oh my god, I am so bored, I would love to help. It's a weird feeling. At least, if we all got equal pay I would feel less bad. It would be more of a hey, we all get paid shitty, so who cares how hard I work..=) I feel like I am superman always trying to be Clark Kent. Wow, that is an exaggerated example of me and my life, but you get the point. Don't let anyone know exactly what you do or don't do. There is also the other side that not only do I get paid more but my life opportunities are triple some of theirs. Of course, lots of the teachers have money, which includes a nanny, a helper, and a driver. But, they still live in Lebanon and I always wonder, why don't they get out but then I hear about the process for getting U.S. or other countries citizenship and even a visa to visit and it all makes sense. So, now I have the added guilt of knowing this is a temporary stop for me, a learning experience and when I am done with it, I am free to go with no strings attached and without extreme measures. The United States will welcome me with open arms and that will be that.
I have decided this is why I am having a hard time embracing my "years-off" in Beirut. I am finding ways to help with the boredom, but will I find ways to cope with the guilt? Will I harden myself enough to just not give a shit? I kind of hope for my own sanity, I can do this just a little.
One way or another next year will be interesting!
We are doing a fun road trip on Saturday and then the beach on Sunday, so we have a great weekend ahead!
Then 2 more weeks! Let's go team America!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is the puzzle I started in Sept/Oct...I have officially given up. There is too much sky left and I can't tell the difference in all the blues! So KHALLAS
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